Why I love Arrested Development.

Maeby:  “Do you know where I can get one of those necklaces with a T on it?”
Michael:  “It’s a cross.”
Maeby:  “Across from where?”

Thanks for Hating On Me

I wrote this song for everybody who is mad at somebody about their blessings.
Mostly for family, you know, cause that…that thing does happen.
So cousin so-and-so whoever you are out there: Heh heh.

–Jill Scott, on VH1 Soul

Yes, Jill, that thing does happen. And in my case, mostly with family (but not my cousins). Thank you for writing this song. In addition to helping me in my never-ending quest to find examples of the malefactive construction in English (i.e., things that happen on somebody), your song has been my mantra of the week (translation: see #6 of this post):

Hate On Me
From Jill Scott’s The Real Thing – Words and Sounds, Vol. 3

If I could give you the world
On a silver platter
Would it even matter?
You’d still be mad at me

If I could find in all this
A dozen roses
Which I would give to you
You’d still be miserable

In reality
I’m gonna be who I be
and I don’t feel no fault
For all the lies that you bought

You can try as you may
Break me down but I say
That it ain’t up to you
Gonna do what you do

Hate on me hater
Now or later
‘Cause I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad baby
Go ‘head and hate on me hater
I’m not afrai-id
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me

Ooh if I gave you peaches
Out of my own garden
And I made you a peach pie
Would you slap me?

I wonder if I gave you diamonds
Out of my own womb
Would you feel the love in that?
Or ask, “why not the moon?”

If I gave you sanity
For the whole of humanity
Had all the solutions
To the pain and pollution?

No matter where I live
Despite the things I give
You’ll always be this way
So go ‘head and

Hate on me hater
Now or later
‘Cause I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad baby
Go ‘head and hate on me hater
I’m not afrai-id
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me (x2)

You cannot hate on me ’cause my mind is free, feel my destiny

..So shall it be

I only did it for laughos from the chicas. :)

These guys at McSweeney’s really crack me up. Can I get a job with you guys?

Lesser Moments in Spanish Extra Credit

I’m also sorry for calling all Spanish people “Mexicans.” There are many types of Spanish people that aren’t Mexicans. Brazil, for instance, is a very large nation of non-Mexican Hispanics. Brazil is not, as I have said once or twice, “the boob of South America.” Even if it does resemble a breast. Lastly, not all Mexicans are illegals. Except maybe Alberto Gonzales—but for a different reason.

Nihongo-ga wak-are-mas-em.

Jean-wa nihongo-no shiekibun nitsuite paper-o kaku no ni tsuk-are-ta.
Jean-TOP Japanese-GEN causatives about paper-ACC write C DAT tired-PASS-PAST
“Jean is tired of writing papers about Japanese causatives.”

You know what they say about teaching a pig to sing.

Who cares what people say about prescriptive grammar.  Grammar and punctuation nitpicking was the privilege of a time when people knew how to write.  There are better ways to spend your time.  And since when is the Microsoft Word “green squiggle” the authority on language use?

Which at the beginning of a restrictive relative clause has never at any time in history been a grammatical error in Standard English…and company time spent chasing down whiches might as well be devoted to hunting witches.

Descriptivists: 1
Prescriptivists: 0